by Amy Carpenter
“like a steady ship doth strongly part
the raging waters and keeps her course aright;
ne aught for tempest doth from it depart,
ne aught for fairer weather’s false delight”
-Spenser
Each evening over dinner, our
family asks each other the above question, usually prefaced with the habitual,
“So…?”, as in, “So…rose and thorn?”. A
query into the day’s adventure, it’s meant to elicit clarification. What was
the brightest moment, and what most challenging? We inherited the tradition from old friends
and have since shared it with our family at large, having many lengthy
discussions over the years of what it means to each individual (young and old)
to speak of the roses and thorns of life.
It is an equally appropo
question to apply to the subject of love, which will be much talked-about in
the month ahead. While endless
well-intended dollars are spent on the hallmarks of Valentine’s Day- cards,
chocolate, jewelry and dinners out- very few moments will be spent celebrating
the thorny business of human relationship. And yet, it is the thorny business
that defines and shapes us much more than roses and chocolate and sweet poetic
phrases delivered on a 4 X 6 piece of store-bought parchment. Why then, do we not celebrate these more
shadowy sides of love?
We know, those of us lucky
enough to have fallen flat on our faces at least once in our romantic history,
that the deepest parts of ourselves – and not always the pretty parts- are
displayed naked on the surgical table of intimacy. One could argue that the most challenging act
in relationship is not that of witnessing our partner’s flaws, but in having our
own mirrored so openly, with no room for escape. But when the thorn is removed and the pathway
of the heart laid open…well, there is a rose of the sweetest variety. Often we
feel most deeply loved right in the middle of that tangled-up, bloody mass of thorns
and skin. Whether our partners, our children, our siblings or friends, the
roses of relationship sustain us, but it is the thorns that hone us, and cause
old married couples to declare that only after years and years of both, do they
define themselves as truly “married”. Of
course, marriage or no, that is the stuff of intimacy; year upon year of roses
intermingled with some very important thorns.
So then, why not celebrate it
all in the month ahead? To claim the successful navigation through troubled
waters as equal in value to the calm, languid hours afloat on balmy seas. After
all, we are called to experience both if we are human and in love.
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